Games for Young and Old

I arrived home after an eventful day and I took one look at the colourful plastic beetles on the table and reserved my judgement.  I wanted to scream at the young lady sitting next to Merv.  I wanted to tell her it's not appropriate for him to play with kiddie games. 
The colourful beetles had body bits (legs etc) to be added after throwing a certain number on the dice provided.  I shut my mouth and listened to the young lady looking after Merv prattle on about the colourful game they had bought.
I left those cute beetles on the table after she left and I busied myself making afternoon tea and a much needed caffeine fix for myself.
I thought a bit more about those cute little beetles.  If we had grandchildren, playing with kiddie beetles would be acceptable, actually it would be expected.  We don't have grandchildren but does that make it wrong or alright to play with kiddie beetles? 
Merv can no longer play the more complex games which we used to enjoy.  I understand the support workers get bored playing Merv's favourite games of dominoes and UNO at each and every visit.
Where do we draw the line to age appropriate games and activities?
Merv sometimes uses a clothing protector, an appropriate name for an adult.  In basic language it's an adult size bib.  Using the word, 'bib' for an adult is deemed inappropriate the same as calling adult incontinence pants, 'nappies.'   Yes, I hate that as well,  I couldn't call them nappies.
When I take Merv out anywhere there is his wheelchair, the bags, usually more than one and it reminds me of the times we took babies and later toddlers out.  There was a fold up pram and bags and more bags.  The pram is now a wheelchair but the rest is pretty much the same.
The question remains whether to allow the kiddie games or should we re-name the kiddie games with more adult appropriate names?

Beetles and bits

No Donation Today

It's quiet in the house, we have had a slow start to the day.  I like Saturday mornings.  Unless we have something booked I walk to the shop early to buy the weekend paper before waking Merv.  We have a long breakfast and read the paper.  Merv reads the TV guide and works out when his footy team is playing! 
This morning I had already put out the washing and washed the dishes (mental note to buy a new dishwasher this month to replace broken one).  There was a knock at the door.  I moved Merv's wheelchair out of the way and had my spiel already.  If the Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses are knocking - I'm too busy to talk, thank you.  If someone is after a donation I'm figuring if I have any loose change in my purse.  If its Red Cross, Vinnies or a well known charity hopefully they will receive a more generous donation!
I stop in my tracks, my caller is neither of the above.  She tells me she is on the way to the shops and called in to see me.  I can't remember the last time she did this.  I can't remember if she has ever visited me before!  My visitor is the mum of one of Mel's friend.  Her best friend in primary and high school but sadly they have lost touch.  Her mum still lives a ten minute walk from us.  She had one of her grandchildren with her.  A little boy of 20 months who was mostly well behaved during the visit.  I could tell she was alarmed at seeing Merv.  He is not the person he used to be since Huntington's Disease took over his life six years ago.  Merv just sat and listened but he said hello to the little boy when he turned his attention to him.  The toddler wasn't phased about the minimal response he received from Merv. 
I made coffee and delighted in the only face to face conversation I knew I would have today.  In reflection I wondered how many words we exchanged in the hour she visited.  Maybe a few thousand?  Merv will say between 20 - 50 words the whole day.
As she left with her grandchild she took the time to hug me.  I didn't really need a hug but I was grateful for it.  I was even more than grateful for the conversation.  Hopefully she might call again.

In Memory of Mum

Last year our family gathered in the heat of the summer for Dustin and Grace's wedding.  This year we once again gathered in the coolness of autumn to farewell our Mum. 
It was a bright day in May which began like any other but by day's end a shadow cast itself long and bleak upon us.  Our Mum had fought her last battle of which she was not strong enough to return.  Her life as we knew it was snatched away by cardiac arrest.  There was no time for us to converse with her and share a kiss before she went.  As we stood quietly by her bedside in the emergency department she was already unconscious and on her way to the other side.
A moment in time which changed our lives forever.
Mum was 86.  Her health was declining but she had lived a good life.  Mum's life wasn't an easy life but she made the best of what she had and was ingenious in achieving what others may think impossible.  Mum was a good role model and I strive to achieve where otherwise I may not pursued my project at hand.
My sisters and I rallied together to give Mum a send off which we believe she would have been happy with.  It gave us much comfort.  The rest of the family attended her farewell and we recounted our fondest memories.
Each Monday morning Merv and I would visit Mum in her nursing home and spend time chatting and exchanging stories.  I will miss our Monday get togethers.  Mum was always interested in how Mel was going.  Was she still losing weight?  Is she well?  Is she keeping busy? Mum would also ask about Dustin, Merv and myself.  Monday morning is coming soon.
Mum enjoyed coming to our house for a cooked lunch of her choice.  Once she asked for sausages and mash and other times it was beloved Shepherd's pie (mince and potato) or roast chicken with all the trimmings.  Mum visited for Christmas, Easter and Mother's Day.  I would pick her up after I had prepped the vegetables  and put the roast in the oven.  There were Hot Cross Buns for Easter and fruit mince pies at Christmas. After lunch Mum would get comfy on my recliner chair and begin to watch a movie of her choice.  Before long she would be fast asleep and I'd wake her a little further into the movie!  She never seemed to mind!
How will I manage now?  Yes, I know; just one day at a time.  It's going to take me a while before I stop thinking as if Mum is still with us.  She's been my Mum for over 58 years, it's difficult to think of her no longer here.

Renovation

The weather is so much cooler.  A little chilly in the morning now and I find myself huddling under the bed covers instead of  leaping out of bed for my hourly walk.  Today Merv is at the day centre and an early morning walk is definitely out of the question.  Instead I set off at 1pm and find I notice gardens I normally just trot by.  I make mental notes of the plants and whether they are growing well in my neighbourhood.  It wont be long before I'm digging and planting new specimens in my garden beds.  Some are doomed while hopefully others will flourish.  My once green thumb is a shade on the dark side!
This morning I went searching for the dreaded laundry sink/cabinet to replace the grubby rusty one in my 70's laundry.  My laundry is screaming out for a re-fit! 
My kitchen and bathroom has both gone under the hammer, gutted and renovated. The bathroom being our worst experience.  We had to move out for two weeks as we didn't have the use of a toilet or shower area.  Was it worth it?  Yes.
The laundry renovation - who will it affect?  Just the washing machine and the need for clean clothes.
This brings back memories of our early married years.  We had an old twin tub washer donated to us.  Vicki's neighbour had put it out on the verge and we were the 'lucky' recipients!   The washing part was fine.  It had a large swinging paddle which washed the clothes.  Then I had to take the clothes and put them in the spin dryer while adding rinse water.  Nothing was automatic then.  Before the twin tub I laboriously washed everything by hand including Dustin's nappies!  There were soaking nappies in buckets of Napi-San everywhere and my hands were as hard and rough as sandpaper!  I would smother them in Barrier Cream before squeezing my fingers into cotton gloves.  Eventually Dustin was potty trained and my hands recovered.
We bought our first automatic washing machine in 1978 from Boans for $300.  A lot of money back then.  It lasted almost 20 years and some days it spat out more than five loads of well washed clothing, towels and sheets. 
Unexpectedly it retired and we used Merv's mother's gigantic top loader which was left in our shed after she sold her house goods in one of our famous garage sales.  She moved into residential care at the time.  Her old machine was fabulous for doona's, blankets and large washes but it took a swimming pool of water for every wash!  Not long after it also had enough of our ongoing washing needs and spat the dummy!
Ten years ago we went to the Harvey Norman seconds store and bought our Electrolux front loader.  It still goes well even though it creaks and whines when it begins a cycle.  It's difficult to push a blanket into but we do anyway.  The kids have long ago flown the nest but I still wash often to keep Merv in clean clothes. 
I'm sure the laundry renovation won't take long, possibly a day, maybe less.  I want to spend a minimum amount with a trendy result.  It's all about getting a good price for the house next year when we put it up for sale.  Wish me luck!

The old Twin Tub Washer!

Mistaken Identity

Mother's Day looms this Sunday. Today is Friday and this morning after Merv was wheeled onto the community bus for his day centre I fiddle around for awhile before I headed off for the liquor store.  Our Mother's Day lunch is at an old fashioned Chinese restaurant.  Nothing there has changed for twenty years but we go back time and time again!  At least the food is reliable.  It is also BYO.  This morning I purchase enough wine at the liquor store to satisfy a small army.  Dustin likes sweet Moscato, Mum enjoys dry white.  I pick some up for myself to keep me going and join the store club.  More time wasted.  I fiddle some more at a shop I had planned to make some purchases but  in the end I don't purchase anything.  Nothing worth buying today.  Then I am home and getting ready for the gym.  There won't be much chance of a work out over the weekend.  Sunday promises to be busy.
My favourite machines are free at the gym and I take advantage of the Tread Climber and a variety of other machines.  Then I'm ready to leave.  As I depart a woman shorter than myself (who is shorter than me?) says hello and says she hasn't seen me for ages. 
I am looking at her with no recognition.  Did she lose 50kgs and therefore she is unrecognisable?  I recognise her voice but I still can't place her.  I wonder if it's mistaken identity.  Maybe I do look so much older than I am.  The seniors group has just departed.  They look soooo old.  It will be a long, long time before I join their group!
Her voice haunts me for awhile but my brain is in overdrive and I soon push it to one side.  Time to get the day sorted. 
Mother's Day will be a regular taxi driving day.  Yes, I am the taxi driver!  Dustin and Grace will be visiting Merv's sister in the morning.  I am pleased that they are.  I will have Merv, Mel and Mum in my car for the trip to and from the restaurant but I already have it all sorted.
This year I'm also doing something different.  My daughter Mel at 36 is not a mother and neither is my daughter in law, Grace at 30.  I want to recognise them as loving people because that is the role of a mother.
Mel took me to the movies yesterday to see the new Mother's Day movie with Jennifer Aniston and Julia Roberts.  It was a chic flick but I enjoyed it immensely.  When the son had an asthma attack and his mum rushed off to the hospital to be with him (you'll have to see the film to know why they weren't together initially) I cried.  It brought back so many memories of Mel and her chronic asthma attacks.  Twice she was in ICU.  Once we almost lost her.  She asthma is much better controlled now.
Mother's Day brings back memories of small children waking me in the morning with tea and toast (burnt or underdone but always appreciated).  I remember as the children grew we had Mother's Day breakfasts or café style lunches followed by wine and chocolate later in the day.
Now I am a Mother to Mel.  She still requires a lot of mothering.  Dustin now married is free of my reins and mothering is no longer on his agenda.  Hopefully there maybe Grandchildren in the future!
Mother's Day is celebrated on different days/months in different parts of the world, but wherever you live I wish all Mums a very 'Happy Mother's Day.'

Book Club Folds

I had been so excited to join a group of mainly older women for book club at the quaint café each month on a Thursday.  My very first book club was cancelled due to a power outage.  It was rescheduled for the following week which I attended.  Being new at a cosy group is always a little intimidating but I thought all went well.  The next month it was cancelled due to most of the group not reading the book.  This month I was told by the café owner; "Come storms, high water or whatever, we will have book club, even if it's just the two of us."  Then she cancelled. Her neighbour had passed away and she needed to attend her funeral on that day.  Of course I understand.  Then she decided a seasoned book clubber should hold the group in her own home.  Then it was all downhill from there.  The person in question decided it was not for them and suggested the club fold.  It did. I can't say I was devastated as I was only a newcomer.   I had read the book for the month by John Marsden, 'South of Darkness.'

I told myself at least I read books I wouldn't normally chose myself.  Not all was lost.  This month I had already booked Merv's support worker for the extra two hours of the respite shift.  I was loathe to give it up.
Then I remembered I had met up with an old friend a week or two ago and showed interest in viewing her recent photos of Japan and Italy.  I messaged her and arranged to meet her at her house at the time I would otherwise had attended the book club.

What followed was wonderful.  We caught up with news and revisited memories we had long ago shared.  She gave me updates on her children and I sat in awe at her magical photos of Japan and the ancient trees heavy with cherry blossoms.  They were magnificent.  My friend had gone to spend time with her daughter who travels all over the world dancing.  She now lives in the US and works there and abroad.  Mothers and daughters share an amazing bond. 
I had just spent the better part of the day with Mel.  She told me she had a wonderful day and I agreed with her. Sure we had shopped, walked and talked but just being together brings its own magic.

I love photos but before I knew it I was checking my watch.  I had to hurry home to relieve the support worker of her duties.  The time with my friend had stretched to over two hours and we hadn't yet finished seeing all of her amazing photos of beautiful Italy.  We exchanged stories of this most intriguing country.

I hope I have the opportunity to spend more time with friends.  It means so much to be with friends and share and talk together.

As for book club.  Will I join another I ask myself?  Maybe not for awhile.  I may just chose what I would like to read until then.

White Cherry Blossoms in Tokyo, Japan  

The Pull

"It's the pull", he said. 
"The pool?"  I replied. 
"Yes Mum, it's the pull," he repeated.
"What are you on about?"  I questioned.
"Sex, Mum!" he announced. 
"In the pool?"  I questioned with distaste.

"No Mum,  PULL not pool."

"Oh" I said, "The pull, what does that mean?  I am totally lost here."
He goes onto explain the obvious.  When a couple have sex their relationship will often continue even if they have little in common.  Hmmm, yes we all know that.  What I didn't know is that it's called; The Pull!
Well that makes sense, I say.  Mel's engagement has been called off but she remains with Damien.  They do have quite a lot in common but she finds his moods difficult to deal with.  He is self centred and never gives her presents but she stays with him.
Hmm, Dustin reminds me, "It's the pull!" 
I laugh, he is right. We stay in relationships which may not be the best for us and accept bad behaviour from a partner.
What can I do?  As always I will just be there when she needs me whether its to talk or pick her up and take her home.
As long as she is safe, that is my one concern.
I laugh, it's the pull.  I better remember that!