Buying THE Dress

I have a permanent smile on my face.  My boy is getting married in less than three weeks!  They have been busy fine tuning their wedding.  This is Dustin's second wedding and Grace's first.  Unfortunately her parents don't live in Australia and no one has offered to help pay for their wedding.  They have both saved $5,000 each and just about everything is done.  I offered to make the wedding cupcakes and paid for their honeymoon flights.  I have now sourced the cupcake materials and spent over three months perfecting swirls with the 1M and 2D piping tips. I was a magician with colour twirls until Merv ate the blue buttercream. He smiled and his mouth resembled Papa Smurf! We settled for no colour in the buttercream.

I have yet to buy myself a new dress for the wedding.  I am hoping for something, 'summery,.' not black.  Off I go. January is clearance month in Australia as fashion shops prepare for their winter range. I thought it should be easy. My thoughts: walk into an amazing store, choose an expensive dress at 50% off and out I go.   

I have since spent four hours trudging the stores without success.   Myer is our Harrods and I hit the fashion floor.  There are great dresses there at half price.  I beam.  They have roomy change rooms and a mirror in front of me, one behind me and one to the side.  It is a horror show.  I remove my battered three quarter jeans and my tired top and all I see in front of me is my flabby legs, my bulging stomach and flabby arms.  Surely this isn't me?  I peer into the mirror.  Yes unfortunately it is.  My mirror at home is much more discerning. 

I am glad I have brought various sizes of the same dress into the change room.  The designer dresses are delightful but they have been cut to fit tall girls (yes girls) with tiny waists.  I am neither girl or small waisted.  I am disappointed and stalk out of the change room returning them to any rack I see before I disappear into the crowd.

I next tried Noni B who advise me they have 10% off ! How disappointing!  The only dress I like is $250.  I don't bother to try it on. The shopping centre is full of boutiques for young slim girls; I don't bother no need to be humiliated!

I head off to Millars; a store known for its cheap fashions for oldies.  There's not much there except for a lacy powder blue dress.  Yes it has shoulders and my size is hanging on the rack.  It is quiet in the store and I head to the change rooms with a variety of other possible outfits.

I try on the larger size and realize the smaller size is never going to fit.  I preen myself in front of the mirror.  There are only two mirrors in this change room but my bulges are just as appalling.  I wonder if I can get away with the colour and remind myself, all eyes will be on the bride, the way it should be.   I fumble in my handbag and find my iPhone.  I will take a photo or two and post to my sisters.  They are honest and will tell me I look hideous in the dress.  The store is quiet and I can't hear anyone else around.  I peek out of the door and see a little old lady shuffling slowly wheeling her frame.  I contemplate asking her to take my photo but sigh and know there is no point in asking.  I fiddle with my mobile and take a few selfies.  I sigh; I dress and return the powder blue dress to the rack.  

I need a fashion dress action plan. I have made a list of possible stores to visit next Thursday, back I will go on the assault trail!  Wish me luck!

Selfie in the change room!