Carrie and I have been friends for what seems forever. This year she has had more than her fair share of family issues and health scares. I always have time for her.
A few days after Christmas I rang Carrie and we chatted. Life is not good to her at the moment and sounds like it wont get any better for awhile to come. She always has time for me and I love her for it. She is like a sister. So many people don't have the time or want to listen and share. Just a cuppa and a chat about anything shows friendship and love.
Only a few years back a family friend of over twenty years vanished from our lives. Every time I met her at the shops she would say hello and then just as quickly make an excuse to leave and rush off. She had nursed her frail mother for many years until her recent death and I could only presume she didn't want to get caught up with Merv's ill health. She became cold and aloof. Her Christmas cards once filled with love and warmth arrived with no sign of our once joyous relationship. I pulled out her previous years Christmas card and for the next two years and I displayed it with the new ones. I had loved reading the cheery words she had written in years past with always the promise of friendship the following year.
Last year I received another card from her with only; 'Merry Christmas and happy new year.' It meant nothing. I tore it up and binned it. This year I didn't display that special card she sent us years ago, it now lives along with my other much treasured cards.
I'm very much aware that a disability isn't for everyone. The first thing a couple or individual learns if they are suddenly disabled is a loss of friends and family. It didn't just happen to me, it happens to lots of people. We've done it ourselves as most of us have. We just don't know what to say, what to do and how to act.
Then there are the do-gooders which just leave you shaking your head. They are the project managers. They always have a project. A neighbour, a relative, a friend in need. There is an endless list of those in need and one by one they are struck off their list when a good deed is done or the person becomes too needy. The project manager appears like a tsunami drowning you in their structured 'love' and good intentions. Yes, their intentions because they never ask you what you need. We are expected to just be grateful!
The do-gooder tells you all the things they will help you to do but rarely does anything eventuate. They are just hot air thinkers not doers.Then as quickly as it began it is finished and you hear the good fairy is helping someone else and you are left to mop up the mess and make excuses for the exit of the do-gooder.
Today I am wary of the do-gooders. When people ask me how Merv is the answer is always the same (unless you are a professional like a specialist, counsellor, OT or physio). Merv is always good even when he's not. No one wants to know about his bowel problems (except his GP) or the problems with his mobility (except his physio). I am just as good, even though I have just spent ten minutes pulling out my hair, kicking the door and making up new swear words. No wonder I feel good! Cate Blanchard and I have a lot in common; both great actors!
I hope I can get together with Carrie soon over a cuppa. I don't want to chat about the tough times, I just want to sit and laugh and have some fun.
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