What is Friendship?

My friend, Carrie rang me Christmas morning.  I wasn't expecting her call but she blurted quickly she hadn't posted her Christmas cards but she had written them all.  She didn't want me to celebrate Christmas without wishing me well. I had a few minutes to give and shared them with her. 
Carrie and I have been friends for what seems forever.  This year she has had more than her fair share of family issues and health scares.  I always have time for her.
A few days after Christmas I rang Carrie and we chatted.  Life is not good to her at the moment and sounds like it wont get any better for awhile to come.  She always has time for me and I love her for it.  She is like a sister. So many people don't have the time or want to listen and share. Just a cuppa and a chat about anything shows friendship and love.
Only a few years back a family friend of over twenty years vanished from our lives.  Every time I met her at the shops she would say hello and then just as quickly make an excuse to leave and rush off.  She had nursed her frail mother for many years until her recent death and I could only presume she didn't want to get caught up with Merv's ill health.  She became cold and aloof.  Her Christmas cards once filled with love and warmth arrived with no sign of our once joyous relationship.  I pulled out her previous years Christmas card and for the next two years and I displayed it with the new ones.  I had loved reading the cheery words she had written in years past with always the promise of friendship the following year. 
Last year I received another card from her with only; 'Merry Christmas and happy new year.'  It meant nothing.  I tore it up and binned it.  This year I didn't display that special card she sent us years ago, it now lives along with my other much treasured cards.
I'm very much aware that a disability isn't for everyone.  The first thing a couple or individual learns if they are suddenly disabled is a loss of friends and family.  It didn't just happen to me, it happens to lots of people. We've done it ourselves as most of us have.  We just don't know what to say, what to do and how to act. 
Then there are the do-gooders which just leave you shaking your head.  They are the project managers.  They always have a project.  A neighbour,  a relative, a friend in need.  There is an endless list of those in need and one by one they are struck off their list when a good deed is done or the person becomes too needy.  The project manager appears like a tsunami drowning you in their structured 'love' and good intentions.  Yes, their intentions because they never ask you what you need.  We are expected to just be grateful! 
The do-gooder tells you all the things they will help you to do but rarely does anything eventuate.  They are just hot air thinkers not doers.Then as quickly as it began it is finished and you hear the good fairy is helping someone else and you are left to mop up the mess and make excuses for the exit of the do-gooder.
Today I am wary of the do-gooders.  When people ask me how Merv is the answer is always the same (unless you are a professional like a specialist, counsellor, OT or physio).  Merv is always good even when he's not. No one wants to know about his bowel problems (except his GP) or the problems with his mobility (except his physio).  I am just as good, even though I have just spent ten minutes pulling out my hair, kicking the door and making up new swear words. No wonder I feel good! Cate Blanchard and I have a lot in common; both great actors!
I hope I can get together with Carrie soon over a cuppa.  I don't want to chat about the tough times, I just want to sit and laugh and have some fun.

Keeping up with Christmas

Last weekend I found out my GP died and a friend with Huntington's Disease.  This weekend my microwave, my fountain motor and my printer stopped working.
It wasn't until I turned on the dishwasher and it was as dead as a doorknob that the lightbulb flashed.
I grabbed a torch unlocked the meter box and found the offending trip switch.  Boldly I turned it on and hoped for the best.
Whoppee - the microwave is working again and so is the outdoor fountain and deep breath in, so is the dishwasher.  My Electrolux dishwasher was nicknamed, 'Alex' long before he was connected and started work at my place.  He's been scrubbing and rinsing for almost ten years now and he is much appreciated!  Tomorrow I'll use the microwave.  It's dark outside so I'll leave it in case everything stops again.  A new microwave is on my after Christmas Sales list.   
The frustration of the day is almost over but the darn printer still refuses to print.  The computer says it should, the printer says it should, it just doesn't.  I no longer care, I've had enough.
Last year I seemed to have so much more energy.  I remember washing windows before Christmas, hosting a family Secret Santa and a mirage of other chores successfully executed before the man in the red suit came down the chimney.  (hmm I don't really have a chimney and the front door is always locked!)
I think about what has changed since last Christmas.  I'm making a list of what I need to do.  I should list; cleaning the outdoor furniture and pulling the weeds but I wonder if I should even bother.  There are too many other things to do.
Merv is more dependent on me now, even showering and dressing is taking longer.  It's not just the time but the emotional and physical drain.  His sister Vicki has been very ill and only now is recovering. 
Mel takes up a lot of my time which is my choice to be her weight loss manager.  It brings me much joy to have a healthier daughter.
No Christmas Carols or late night drives are planned this year to marvel at houses lit up with lights and blow up Santas.  I know I should but it gives me a headache just to think about it. 
Our Christmas tree is up and a few decorations.  There appears to be fewer every year!
But come Christmas week I will don my Christmas garb, heat up the oven and serve turkey dinner with all the trimmings.  I will click on the Christmas album on the iPad and we'll sit down to toast the season and pull bon-bons before tucking into our Christmas lunch!  It will be amazing.
I wont think about the windows and I'll hope no one will notice either!

To Paris We Will Go...

I have hundreds of photos of her in skinny little dresses looking like Megan Gale or Jennifer Hawkins.
My Mel at 36 has had a yo-yo of a time with her weight.  As a young girl she ate whatever she liked and was as skinny as a beanpole.  This continued until she was 22 and prescribed mental health medication for her illness.  She went up four dress sizes and over 20kgs in less than twelve months.  It was devastating to see her bulking up but her only desire was to munch as much as possible and as quickly as possible!   She became an expert on chocolate bars, packs of crisps and the latest choc covered ice creams!  She knew no limits to satisfy her hunger or the amount of calories she munched on.
Just like the women's magazines which have endless stories of fad diet and dieters with amazing diet success stories we were on a mission.  Mel like many others tried Jenny Craig and lost a few kilos only to put it back on plus a few more.  She tried Lite & Easy and a variety of other pre-cooked meal programs.  By early 2013 we decided to take the bull by the horns and she joined Weight Watchers.  Amazingly she lost almost 19 kilos but after twelve months she stopped being inspired and the yo-yo syndrome once again raised it's demeaning head.  Eventually Mel had successfully gained 10kgs and I declared war.
I was disheartened she was paying $75 per month to Weight Watchers but only gaining not losing.  War it was!  I gave myself the title of; 'Weight Loss Manager' and began a plan where she could only lose not gain.  Lose weight that is!
We created 2kgs incentives which included Gold Class movies, massages and a new desk for her colouring in books she loves.  There are a whole list of rules and encouragements.  A Fitbit was purchased and the gym membership put to better use.
This week Mel gained her prized incentive - a pair of blue jeans because she has now lost 10kgs in 14 weeks.   Well done Mel!
I promised Mel a trip anywhere on a plane when she gets to 65kgs (another 15 kgs to lose).  I thought she might say; Singapore or Fiji but she was adamant she wants to go to Paris.  It took only a minute to agree.  If getting down to goal weight after 14 years of being overweight Mel wants to celebrate in Paris then that is exactly what we will do.  Time to start saving....

3rd September 89.6kgs

Celebration 10 December 79.6kgs