Celebrating Another Birthday

Not just another birthday but the big six zero, yes 60 years and still going strong.  I had spent over 4 months renovating and decorating our house. I figured I could have worked forever and the house would never be perfect so I just had to stop and let it be.
The birthday invitations had been sent and most of the guests had replied mainly in the affirmative. The only other birthday party I can remember is a party when I was just thirteen.  It was 1970 and I wore my hippy pants with huge white flowers on an indigo background.  We played all the rock and roll greats and had fun.  It lasted me forty seven years. This year with the big number looming I had no where to hide!  Ten years ago when I turned fifty the family went on a cruise from Sydney to the South Pacific.  On my fortieth birthday Merv and I went to Geraldton and there was little memory of my thirtieth.  Turning eighteen was no milestone in 1975 and my diary entry said I went to visit my best friend.  No mention of a cake.  When I turned twenty one it was a Tuesday.  Dustin was only 14 months old.  Merv had asked his Great Aunt (who made our wedding cake) to decorate a cake for me.  A few family members called in to have a drink and slice of cake and that was it.
I was way overdue for a birthday party.  No hippy pants and long hair for this one!

Merv had been in respite the week before and Mel attended a camp a few days beforehand.I even stayed with a friend who lives an hour south of me for a fun filled weekend.  We went to Laughter Yoga together, visited her communal veggie garden plot and worked at her son's farm before dining out in the evening. It was fabulous to have a break from showering and caring for Merv.
My birthday was the Tuesday before my celebration the following Saturday. It was a warm, sunny crisp day.  We went out for lunch with Maureen and had a great day.
My birthday celebration arrived and the sky was grey turning black. The wind howled and the rain poured and spluttered.  It was no spring shower!
I had expected a whole list of text messages from my dear friends saying the weather was atrocious and they would have to cancel.  I looked at my phone - nothing.  I looked later and there was nothing.
They all took the freeway with non stop rain lashing and black evil skies and arrived happy and smiling at the local restaurant I had chosen.
I gulped; it was difficult enough to get Merv from our house to the restaurant in the rain.  With the help of family it was easily achieved.
I felt very special.  Blessed that so many would brave the elements to celebrate with me and doubly blessed that they chose to do so.  How special is that!
It was such an amazing celebration.  My family and friends were all delighted in the restaurant and the excellent service and food provided. I was so impressed how organised and helpful they were ensuring everything ran smoothly. They had arranged the cake, poured the champers.  It was just perfect.
Afterwards my city friends visited our new house (all that hard work renovating paid off!) before they once again battled the weather to return on their long journey home.
A very special day.

Life Returns to Routine

It's been almost 12 weeks.  I originally said to Mel when we moved it will be like a holiday for awhile then life begins.  Yes, it's true, it was just like that; now there are weekly routines for all.
Merv now has regular support workers who visit and he is booked into a local day centre ongoing each Friday.  Merv sorted.
Mel has a day out with a group each Tuesday and attends another group each Wednesday and Friday mornings.  She also joined Weight Watchers and a local church (we also attend the church which gives me a whole hour of sitting - praise the Lord!) Both her bedroom and recreation rooms are furnished and colourful.  Mel sorted.
That just leaves me.  Like both Merv and Mel I found a GP and have made some new friends.  I have arranged all types of tradesmen to tackle a range of tasks.  My wonderful brother in law and his brother have both helped in many ways.  I am most grateful.
My list has been ticked off, everything is done but like everyone who owns a house there are a few more tasks to complete.  After cooking on the electric hot plate for 12 weeks I decide I miss my gas cooktop. Hopefully that will be completed soon.  Should I get solar panels, some I talk to say yes and others say its not worth the cost.  I will put it on the ponder pile.
Now that the most time consuming jobs are completed it's time to spend time on a little R & R.  The weather is so much cooler.  It is winter but we're having sunny days and colder nights. It's a great time of year to set off on long walks along the coast.  Mel and I could stop for lunch or a snack and enjoy the view while getting the exercise we both need.  These paths are not wheelchair friendly for small women pushing heavy men!  Too many hills and dips. 
Instead we take Merv to the foreshore and have a stroll watching the local birdlife and town activity.  We finish having coffee while Merv tucks into apple pie and cream at the café.  A delightful afternoon out.
I wonder what the next 12 weeks will bring.  That is life itself, not knowing but making plans and dreaming dreams to bring peace, joy and happiness.

The paving complete time to enjoy coffee and a read

Dustin & Grace put the table together and joined us for afternoon tea!

Our front garden finally planted after trade men left

Local photographer David Rennie's photo of pelicans adorns our wall

Our main bathroom finally renovated

Finance Guru

Spending money is always fun. We've always been lucky with money since I married Merv. When it seems we  would never get ahead we would end up with an unexpected windfall.  Even Merv's employer once had too much money (really?) and every employee received a lump sum of over $3,000.  I think we received that twice.  My father's brother passed away and his estate was divided between his siblings.  My father had already passed away and his share was divided between us children.  I bought my first computer with the money.
This year we sold our house for more than I expected and bought a house a week later for a lesser price than advertised.
After settlement there appeared a great amount of money in my bank account.  "Oh spending money", I cried.  Admittedly I was not frugal enough and spent money on all sorts of things but nothing I would call wasteful.  A facial was probably the most extravagant thing I had, but the pleasure of having it outweighed the cost. I haven't bought new clothes, well just one pair of practical shoes for $34!  They were on sale.
Already I had to put a stop to endless supermarket shopping.  A bottle of milk turned into a $70 shop almost everyday.  Mel and I sat down and worked out a menu and a shopping list which helped reduce the excessive spending.
The house was a bargain but it only had one blind which was worth keeping. All the other windows needed new verticals, blinds and panel blinds.  All done.  Oh and there's a 'but'.  When I sat in the tiny lounge room with those fabulous new vertical blinds I realised the chunky lounge suite would have to go.  Wrong colour, too chunky and over twenty years old.  On the verge for council pick up it went.  Now new furniture is needed.  A rug for the lounge is also on the list.
Just days ago I found the perfect recliners (which rock!) compact size and the perfect colour!  We bought two, one for Mel and one for me.  Merv has his lift recliner chair, which is great for his needs.
We had no security but now we have Crim Safe on all the windows and doors.  The main living area was dark all day and we had a skylight installed.  Merv's ensuite bathroom needed gutting and redoing.  It is now a fabulous walk in bathroom. This coming week the team is coming back to renovate the second bathroom and tile the toilet and laundry floors.  Eddie the renovator suggested I upgrade the laundry and extend the floor tiles.  Hmmm more decisions.  Much more money. The list is endless. 
Only last week my brother in law Steve paved part of the front garden for better access for Merv's wheelchair.  It looks fabulous. 
I looked at my bank balance yesterday and wrote a list of the foreseeable future renovations and additions.  Then I checked the balance again! After settlement I had taken a large chunk of money and placed it in another bank account which generates a better interest rate.  That's great I thought.  Now I'm working out how much of that money is safe to use.  I could of course just stick most of it in a term deposit where my eager fingers would be unable to access it!  Sounds like a very good idea.
Most renovating ideas blow the budget and I suppose I'm not surprised mine has as well. 
Mel and I have decided to make a sandwich or a slice of quiche for a picnic at the foreshore instead of eating at cafes, which we have been doing once a week, twice at a stretch.  Another very good idea for keeping the money safely in the bank!
Now it is up to me to be a smarter person making our savings work for us while having the benefits of a lovely home. 

Fabulous new paving for wheelchair access

Compact Recliner Rocker for lounge bought 2!

Cleaning windows ready for Crim Safe screens

The Big Move

Here I am.  Almost two months since I last blogged.  I have thought about hitting the keyboard many times but alas time and energy escaped me.  Only days ago I dragged my computer and its many components out of a big cardboard box where it had been unceremoniously placed on Friday 17th March, the day of the big move. 
My family and friends are tired of me saying, "I sold my house in five minutes and five minutes later I bought this house."  It's not entirely true; the time elapse is slightly longer but it seems it happened that way.  Sold and bought.  Simple.  Done.  No one is more surprised than me.  I am very grateful to the powers that be.  I know the good Lord above is looking out for me. 
The timing couldn't have been better as I see Merv's health declining so rapidly.  He went into respite before the move and stayed there for over a week afterwards. 
I was terrified to have him home.  I was so scared of him falling and me of failing.  In hindsight he has not fallen though there have been many near misses.  He can not walk without a person guiding him while holding his arm and a hand placed firmly around his waist. 
Everyday he stays on his feet is a day well done.
Moving house is the time you find out who you can count on.  To say it was overwhelming is an understatement.  Firstly I had to get it through my thick head that my house had really sold and packing and leaving my house was definite! 
My two sisters were amazing.  They packed for me, provided me with boxes, tape and texta colours.  They brought food and talked me through the packing process.  Maureen provided support and labour (and children) for our garden makeover, rubbish skip, cleaning for the Home Open and so much more. Susan packed my kitchen.  I didn't know where to begin but it appeared she had it all done in five minutes, at least it seemed that way.
In the last week Susan stayed for a whole day packing and cleaning and sorting.  Two good friends offered their help and though I had no idea what they could do I took up their offers.  I was hoping they would like to go out for coffee but they planted their feet, grabbed boxes and we filled them together.
Six days before we moved we invited friends and family to our Farewell Party.  It was an open day where people could come whenever they had time.  It was quiet in the morning with a few people stopping by but in the afternoon people filled every part of the living areas and spilled outside onto the patio.  Not only did we catch up, they caught up with mutual friends and agreed we should all do it again. A friend later asked if the Farewell had been a good idea.  I replied it was an amazing experience catching up with people, some we hadn't seen for years.  No packing happened that day and in many ways it was good to have a break.
I remember many bedtimes I would think, 'this time next month I'll be sleeping in the new house.'  It always seemed so far away and then it was upon us.  Time waits for no one.
I still wake up each morning hardly believing we sold and bought so quickly.  Selling at an inflated cost and buying at a bargain price.  This house is so very different from our last but it ticks the boxes and provides a fabulous recreational area for Mel. 
We have been truly blessed.  We walk 16 minutes to the ocean and 5 minutes the opposite direction to the estuary.
There is much to do in this house of ours.  It is slowly becoming a home.  Maureen and Steve have provided many hours of labour in the garden and house.  Steve's brother Larry has amazing patience and never flinched once while putting together the IKEA sofa bed and TV stand.
There is much to tell and write about but just one story at a time.

Farewell Party - Some of our friends

Friday 17th March - the big move

16 minute walk from our house to the ocean

Mel exercising at the beach with her cousin

New house, new furniture

Merv enjoying fish and chips at the beach

Oh no, IKEA flat packs!

Perth Writer's Festival

I had planned this weekend for several months.  Merv went into respite while I relaxed and later in the week would be attending the Writers Festival at UWA.  I never considered we would be packing and getting ready for the move of a life time.  I had planned to put our house on the market this weekend but it's been sold and it's now time to pack.
I wasn't sure if I should just scratch the writer's festival or whether I should take the time to go.  I figured next year I wont be able to attend so I decided to make up time packing and cleaning tomorrow and in the evenings.
Over two days at the festival I attended eight sessions.  Each session comprises of two to three authors and a speaker who oversees each session.  The authors always have something in common, whether its the setting or the plot or the genre of their books.  I am always inspired.
My first session was called, 'The Woman Who Changed her Brain.' Barbara Arrowsmith Young was born without spacial awareness deficiency of her left side and had various learning issues.  I was amazed how she learnt how to overcome her learning difficulties and has created programs which initially helped her but now has helped many others throughout the world.  I bought her book.  Hopefully I will find time to read it soon. Other sessions I attended focused on: crime, Australian towns, community grief, families and their secrets and the current plight of refugees throughout the world.
Throughout the following sessions the auditoriums were filled to capacity with many being turned away.  I soon learnt after each session you have thirty minutes to move to the next one.  A quick toilet break, a bite to each while walking across the university grounds and getting into line awaiting the next session on my list.  There were a good range of topics and authors for each time slot but it often meant walking across lawns, up steps while reading the festival map!
It was hot both days but I wouldn't have missed it.  I feel more inspired to read and to write. 
There was just one thing I found annoying.  Not the authors or the organisers but the audience.  Many times I found myself sitting next to women who pulled out their iPhone and checked their social media.  One woman who was almost as old as me, pulled out her iPad as well as her phone.  I grunted for all to hear!  I wanted to wack her but refrained from doing so.  I couldn't see the point of them attending if their attention was on their device and not the authors.   Maybe I'm becoming a grumpy old woman!

Missy Mel

It is a term of endearment.  Missy Mel just stuck.  A name I call my daughter when it is just her and me together.  It's usually when I trying to get her attention or just to give her a hug.
The last twelve months have been more than trying for her.  Her beloved housemate Harriet left for a t year to access therapy and she was replaced by a older woman who berated her verbally and threatened her with violence. 
Mel's Grandmother died in May last year followed six weeks later by her boyfriend Damien.  He died from lung cancer at the tender age of 35.  Mel sat by his bed holding his hand in the weeks before he succumbed to the cancer.
It was a difficult year.
By December last year she had more than she could cope with.  Continuously she would ring me in tears, telling stories of her offensive housemate and the lack of support from staff.
Mel cried, I cried.  It just became too much.  I spoke with the resident manager but nothing was resolved.  Mel wanted to move out of the unit to another but permission was denied.
My brain went into lockdown, there was only one answer.  She had to leave and come home.
In hindsight it was the very best thing.  After a few weeks Mel became a happy, contented person once again.  There were a few meltdowns on the way through but all in all it was the very best decision.
I only thought yesterday if she was still at the villas we would be moving her out about this time and going through the rigours of sorting out her stuff.  How does a person fill one bedroom and ensuite with so much stuff?  At least the sorting and chucking out of her  'treasures' has already happened!
Mel is looking forward to moving with us to our new house closer to the ocean.  She has her own bedroom, a bathroom she doesn't have to share with everyone and an entertainment room with two entrances.  The sliding door opens into the back garden.  There is a lot of work to be done but just like here Mel will do her part and our house will become a home.

Christmas Without Mum

Mum and I were never close.  For many years of my adult life she lived a long way away.  I often saw her a few times a year.  When she was in Onslow it was probably less.  Mum mellowed in her later years and so did I.  Mum enjoyed the puzzles in 'That's Life' magazine which I bought for her religiously each week.  I often read the magazine first.  It was full of ghastly, horrific stories from readers with tales to tell.  I asked her if she read the stories and in her final months I don't think she bothered with the puzzles.
It's always in hindsight when we realised her health had been declining for sometime. I knew she was rapidly losing weight and her energy and enthusiasm with it.
Mum passed away in May this year.  It is our first Christmas without her.  We have had many family Christmas celebrations over the years, especially in Mandurah where both my sisters lived for sometime.  Mum would come to stay with them if she was living elsewhere.  In the last six years we celebrated Christmas with Mum.  Mum came to stay for a few days Christmas 2009 and the following year she moved to a nearby suburb.  Mum fell and broke her hip soon after her 80th birthday and entered a residential care unit.
Mum and whoever was free for Christmas came to my house and I cooked turkey and vegetables for dinner.  I always had a store bought plum pudding and another dessert.  We always had too much to eat and I would make Mum a ham and pickle sandwich for her to eat for her tea after she arrived at her home.
This year I missed not only our regular Monday visits but the banter between us about our Christmas Day menu.  Though there was little point in asking what she wanted as Mum always requested a fruit mince pie for morning tea and a sample of anything else available.  I always sought out the most moreish fruit mince pies, sampling one long before I purchased a dozen for Christmas day.  A treasured fruit mince pie would bring a sparkle to her eyes!
This year I missed our banter about what we would have for Christmas morning tea (of course, a fruit mince pie!).  I missed discussing the lunch and dessert menu (same as usual please).  The last few years Mum would have a rest after her big lunch and fall asleep quite happily on the lounge, no matter which movie was playing!
Lunch was always the same no matter how hot it was.  I prayed fervently for cooler weather but we were inundated with over 35 degrees Christmases, year after year!  Lunch was cooked turkey (usually a turkey roll), roast potatoes and pumpkin and stacks of steamed vegetables.  Yummy.  We covered ours with gravy but not Mum.  Then there was a glass of dry white wine.  Mum would take a sip or two and leave the rest.  She never said she didn't want wine so we just served it anyway!
Our table had the usual Christmas tablecloths and decorations.  We always had red and green bon-bons.  Mum was always intrigued by the miniature trinkets inside and took hers home.  We wore paper hats from the bon-bons, shared the terrible jokes, laughed and chatted throughout.
Vicki visited a few times for Christmas which often left me in a pickle.  I had to pick up Vicki and Mum basically at the same time.  Dustin often came to my rescue picking up Vicki or I would do two trips. Only once did I forget to turn on the oven and rang home while driving to give Mel direct instructions.  The turkey was later triumphant.
Mum was a silent support for Merv.  When we visited her she would always talked to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek as we left.  She just accepted him as he was.  Just one step down the ladder at a time.
After Mum died and Christmas thoughts began later in the year I suggested to the kids we have a Christmas picnic. No cooking, no hot veggies, just picnic food!
Vicki now needs to travel in a Maxi taxi with a carer making a Christmas Day visit far too difficult for everyone. Therefore she and her amazing young carer visited us a few days ago to celebrate Christmas and enjoy a cooked Christmas lunch.  Yes with the bon-bons and presents.   We had a lovely time.
My younger sister invited us to Christmas lunch at her house with her lovely family.  We cancelled our picnic and we are looking forward to spending the day a fabulous day together. 

Mum I will miss you on Christmas Day.

My Mum last Christmas at my house